yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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