It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
