I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
