the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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