the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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