Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.