Texts From Last Night

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  (707): View more from California

  I haven't been laid since Bush was president.

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  (707): I haven't been laid since Bush was president. http://tfl.nu/3tqj
  Replies (33) Good night (499) Bad night (2841)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him

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  (407): he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him http://tfl.nu/igzq
  Replies (36) Good night (865) Bad night (6000)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5195) Bad night (1276)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

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  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (7313) Bad night (1092)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question

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  (978): Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question http://tfl.nu/aezp
  Replies (6) Good night (3185) Bad night (831)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.

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  (281): thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone. http://tfl.nu/c518
  Replies (7) Good night (3333) Bad night (841)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.

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  (618): So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/opcy
  Replies (9) Good night (1113) Bad night (3120)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single

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  (941): sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single http://tfl.nu/m0e2
  Replies (3) Good night (2307) Bad night (997)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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  (978): Why do you think it's a no-pants party? (603): Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation. http://tfl.nu/hg9g
  Replies (4) Good night (2879) Bad night (580)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.

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  (815): I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets. http://tfl.nu/choe
  Replies (4) Good night (1429) Bad night (487)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being

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  (904): Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being http://tfl.nu/rzj7
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (497)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  So... He's a barber?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

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  (847): He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part. (312): So... He's a barber? (847): No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it? http://tfl.nu/hrcs
  Replies (1) Good night (1425) Bad night (675)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.

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  (734): In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups. http://tfl.nu/3nhq
  Replies (7) Good night (1302) Bad night (358)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps

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  (631): Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps http://tfl.nu/unlw
  Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (736)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'

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  (206): there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn' http://tfl.nu/cuy3
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (307)

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