You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
