Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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