How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time