I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome