if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
