I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
