Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
