So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
