I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i came on her dog
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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