If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
