I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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