is your mom at the bar?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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