I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
