We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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