i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
