my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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