he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
