She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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