I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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