all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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