can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
