I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
