If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
