The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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