Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
