I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
