I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
