DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
