i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize