Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.