He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you