My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize