Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
