Having a random hookup so left but love u
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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