I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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