There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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