I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mom said you looked used
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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