He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize