My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
