New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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