I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
