I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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