Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
