Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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