So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
