She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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