Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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