ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
