never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
