yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
