I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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