she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
