That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
