saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
