I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my being single is dangerous.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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