fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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