I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
