And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
