i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
