we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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