he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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