Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
