my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
