i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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