how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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