if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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