I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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