btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
