listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
farters have to be the big spoon...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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