I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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