It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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