we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize