you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
